Hank did not use my favorite, though: What’s the difference between a novelist and a large pepperoni pizza? A large pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.
cat people: dogs are cool too
dog people: cats don’t feel love did you know a cat once MURDERED my MOTHER
IM A TEENAGER I WANNA BE DANGEROUS I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY I WANNA GO STEAL A TRAFFIC LIGHT
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT TRAFFIC LIGHTS WERE A LOT SMALLER
YOU THINK THAT’S BIG?? CHECK OUT THIS STOP SIGN I JUST GRABBED
STOP STEALING ROAD NAVIGATIONAL ESSENTIALS.
I have a new favorite thing
look at these dorks
one more sandwich story when i was six my mum made me ham sandwiches and my friend had skin that was the same colour as ham and i’d feel bad eating it because it felt like i was eating her and i’d always leave over my sandwiches and my mum asked why and i was too embarassed to tell her the real reason so i told her i was vegetarian like my dad and to make that lie consistent ive been vegetarian for the past almost 13 years
It blows my mind that after all this time you’ve spent on earth, nobody ever bothered to tell you that your eyes aren’t fucking brown.
They are copper against honey and sage and when they water they glow, two perfect orbs the same shade as nature after it rains.
You’re not as simple as they wanted you to be.
a moment of silence for all the little girls this halloween who had to be anna because their older sister wanted to be elsa
MY GRANDMA GOT ALL A’S IN “ETIQUETTE” (YES THAT WAS AN ACTUAL CLASS IN HER HIGH SCHOOL) AND SHE TOLD ME, “DEAR,” SHE SAID,
“YOU NEVER CROSS YOUR LEGS, YOU CROSS YOUR ANKLES. BUT THE GREAT THING ABOUT YOU LIVING IN THIS GENERATION IS YOU DON’T HAVE TO FOLLOW MY GENERATION’S RULES. SIT THE WAY YOU WANT. IF SOMEONE LOOKS UP YOUR SKIRT, JUST TELL THEM YOUR AUNT MARY WILL KILL THEM.”
WHICH IS TRUE
MY AUNT MARY HAD A SWITCHBLADE IN A SPECIAL POCKET OF HER NIGHTGOWN UNTIL THE DAY SHE DIED
the moral of this story is
1. Sit the way you want.
2. My great aunt Mary was a fucking badass.
Aunt Mary is my new hero
you know how much pressure there is on girls to be good at every video game they play, because if they fuck up once there’s going to be a heck of a lot of people saying how girls suck and how they shouldn’t play video games
my french teacher kept looking at me like this so I took this without warning him and told him he’d be famous
he demanded a retake bc he wanted u guys to think hes cool
I can’t believe I forgot to mention the fact that when I took this he told me to photoshop some hair on so “my internet friends” would like him
someone make this mans dreams come true
WHEN I SHOWED HIM THIS HE SAID “THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED”
Flemish Giant rabbits are known for their large size. They can be up to 20 pounds and grow up to 32” (80cm) in length. They are actually very gentle creatures, are intelligent and well tempered. (More Information)
i’ll bet you a substantial amount of money that the Yale scientists were all dudes.
An alternate universe where Bruce Wayne died instead of his parents. Causing his father Thomas Wayne to become Batman and his mother Martha to go insane and become the Joker.
THIS IS SO CRAZY